Two years ago, on April 1, my first novel released. Woo hoo! (Sorry, it still makes me happy!) I thought about posting something erudite after two years as a Published Author.

But in the spirit of April Fool’s, I decided to post a list of the…

Top Ten Things I Have Not Learned About Being a Published Author

10. I haven’t learned to make freezer jam that actually turns into jam. (It comes out as a mush of fruit and sugar and pectin. Delicious, but not jam.)

9. I haven’t learned to Tweet or Tumbl. (But I can squeal like a little girl at the sight of a spring tulip in bloom!)

8. I haven’t learned to play the ukulele. (Although I can pluck out the opening bass notes of Secret Agent Man. Over and over. And over. And over…)

7. I haven’t learned to stick to one genre and master it. (Book one – satirical sci fi; book two – magical romance; plus works in progress in middle grade fantasy and, um, one I’ll call urban Death on a holiday.)

6. I haven’t learned to write a specific number of words a day. (Except in November, when I hit 1667 words a day, every day. Okay, most days. Okay, enough days to have to compensate with a couple of major 5000 word binges to make it to 50k in 30 days.)

5. I haven’t learned to lean into the Kittitas Valley wind, at least when it is over thirty miles per hour.

Wind blowing clouds across a Kittitas Valley sunset.

4. I haven’t learned to find a formula, or even to follow the “Hero’s Journey” very exactly. My main characters tend to wander all over the place, much like I do. Hey… do you think that’s more than a coincidence?

3. I haven’t learned to compete fiercely with fellow authors. All the authors I know are incredibly generous with ideas, support, and encouragement.

2. I haven’t learned to wear high heels. (That would technically be re-learning; I haven’t worn high heels in so long, my muscles forgot how.)

1. I haven’t learned to measure the joy of book writing by how much is on my royalty statement. I still measure it by, well, how much joy it gives me to write a book.