Pine Street Episode 280: Winter on the way

David sits on the porch at Allison’s house, while the rest of the friends busy themselves with cleaning up from the Thanksgiving feast, packing up leftovers for distribution, and adoring little Penny. He has thankfully grabbed a moment to sit by himself and consider what to do next. 

The woman in the grocery store filled his ears with a toxic sludge of rumors and homophobic words, all under the cover of caring about allowing Rosa to care for Penny. David is not at all concerned about Rosa in that way. He knows that she is a skilled and loving caregiver and Penny is in good hands. 

He is, however, shocked to know that such beliefs still thrive, and afraid for Rosa, sad that she has to navigate through this kind of prejudice. And, if he is completely honest with himself, he is a bit annoyed with her, that she did not tell him herself.

What is there to tell? his conscience says. Would you be equally annoyed if someone did not tell you they were heterosexual? 

David recognizes this is ridiculous, but he still feels annoyed. I just want her to trust me, he argues with his conscience. After all, I trust her with the most precious thing in the world to me, my daughter. How is it fair that she would not trust me with something as basic, as much of a non-issue, as this? 

Fairness? That’s your concern? His conscience knows better. 

And so does he. 

In fact, underneath his annoyance is disappointment, and a little grief. He had felt something awaken inside as he watched Rosa take care of Penny, something like desire. Not necessarily for a lover, but for a partner, and a whole family. He’d allowed himself to imagine Rosa might have feelings for him, too. 

Now he has to shut his own feelings off, again. Refocus on life as a single dad, emphasis on the word “single.”

Oh, his conscience reminds him, well, yes, for now. But let’s celebrate this small awakening, the sprout of the desire to love again. After all, it is a sign of just how tenaciously life clings to us.

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